Computer Error

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired: "An ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again?"

The computer guy grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote out ......

I D 1 0 T

William

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson. 

It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.
Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy." 
Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa.."

"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William .......the little sh*t's name is Kevin."

Sore Ass

It’s about 10 pm on a Wednesday night, and a guy sitting at a bar is about ready to go home.

Before he gets a chance to walk out, the bartender says to him, “Hey buddy, why’re ya goin’ home so soon? I usually see you here until past midnight. Something wrong?”

The guy responds, “No ain’t nothin’ wrong, just got a sore ass from sittin’ on this stool for so long.”

“Buddy, I got just the thing for ya.” says the bartender reaching up to the top shelf behind the bar. He pulls a bottle of pills, opens the bottle and hands the guy two pills.

The guy says, “What’re these, aspirin?”

“No,” says the bartender. “Stool softeners.”