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Match Found

Its Not

No Mom... being on Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube at the same time is NOT called "Doing Nothing", it's called Multitasking ;D

An Arab’s Interview in U.S Embassy

Consultant: “What Is Your Name?”
Arab: “Abdul Aziz, Sir”
Consultant: “Sex?”
Arab: “Six To Ten Times A Week”
Consultant: “No No, I Mean Male Or Female?”
Arab: “Both, Male And Female And Sometimes Even Camels”
Consultant: “Holy Cow”
Arab: “Yes, Cows And Dogs Too”
Consultant: “Man, Isnt It Hostile?”
Arab: “Horse Style, Dog Style, Any Style”
Consultant: “Ohhh Dear”
Arab: “Deer? Nop, They Run Too Fast“

My MATE

My mate lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn't gotten out of her mourning stage.

Her daughter is constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world.

Finally, she agreed she?d go out, but didn?t know anyone.

Her daughter immediately replies: ?Mum! I have someone for you to meet.?

Well, it was an immediate hit. 

They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Lake District

Their first night there, she undresses as he does. 

There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties, he in his birthday suit.

Looking at her he asks: “Why the black panties?”

She replies: “My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning.”

He knows he?s not getting lucky that night. 

The following night the same scenario. 

She?s standing there with the black panties on, and he is in his birthday suit, except that he is wearing a black condom.

She looks at him and asks: “What’s with the black condom?”
He replies: “I want to offer my deepest condolences.”

No tie cannot enter

Separated from his travel group in the Sahara Desert, a tourist begged a passing nomad for water. "Sorry," said the tribesman. "I have no water, but I do have a selection of lovely ties for sale."

"You must be crazy," the tourist replied. Close to death from thirst, he saw another nomad. 

"Water!" he gasped. "Give me some water.""I have no water," came the reply, 

"only these handsome ties that I'd be glad to sell you."

The tourist stumbled on until, to his astonishment, he saw a magnificent hotel far in the 

distance. Crawling at last into the lobby, he croaked, "Please give me water."
"I'm sorry, sir," the doorman said. "We don't let anyone in without a tie."

Boobs vs willies

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how
many kinds of boobs are there?'
The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, a woman goes through three
phases. In her 20s, a woman's boobs are like melons, round and firm.
In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions'.
'Onions?'
'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'
This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, 'Mom, how
many kinds of 'willies' are there?'
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'well dear, a man goes
through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree,
mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but
reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree'.
'A Christmas tree?'
' Yes - dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration'

Wrong Hole

A man on a business trip is looking for a little action. So he picked up a Chinese hooker and took her back to his hotel. While having sex she was screaming OMWA OMWA!! He did not speak Chinese so he kept on going he wanted to get his $3.00 worth.

The next day he chilled out and went for a game of golf with this Chinese worker. He took a big swing and hit the golf ball as hard as he could.

The Chinese man said in a sad voice "OMWA" the guy looked at him strangely and asked: "what does that mean?" The Chinese man then said: "you have got it in the wrong hole

Install update

Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."


Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"

Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"