IT Helpdesk

Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."

Accused of doing nothing

"There I was, relaxing in my favourite chair last Sunday," one office worker told another,

 "reading the newspaper, watching one football match on TV and listening to another on the 

radio, drinking a beer, eating a snack and rubbing the dog's tummy with my foot - and my 

wife has the nerve to accuse me of sitting there doing nothing."

To the car and blow the horn

Four small children scurried around the woman standing inside the front door, her arms full of coats. Her husband asked why she was standing there.

"Here," she said, handing him the coats. "This time you put the kids into their coats and 

I'll go outside to the car and blow the horn."

Clergyman on the golf course

A clergyman was on the golf course when he heard a stream of profanity from deep in a sand trap. "I have often noticed," chided the minister, "that the best golfers are not addicted to 

the use of foul language."
"Of course not," screamed the man in the bunker. "What the hell do they have to swear 

about?"

Ship captain and his engineer

Following an argument about who was most important to the ship, a captain and his chief 

engineer decided to swap places to find out. After a few hours, the captain emerged from the engine room covered in oil and confronted the engineer on the bridge.
"Chief," he yelled, wildly waving a spanner, "you'll have to go down below. I can't make 

her go."
"Of course you can't," replied the engineer. "She's aground."

Corrupt Man

A corrupt man offered a politician a new car in return for a favour. "You know I can't accept that," the politician protested. "It's bribery."

The man pointed out that he could sell the car to the politician for $20.
"In that case," said the politician, "I'll take two."