Man: Father, during the war, a beautiful young lady
asked me to hide her from the enemy, so I hid her in the attic.
Father: That's a very good gesture, you need not confess.
Man: But as the days went, she repaid me with daily sexual favors.
Father: That is still forgiven my son.
Man: But I have another question.
Father: What is it my son?
Man: Shall I tell her the war is over? =)
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Man went to confession.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Brain Cramps
(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected
as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and Why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
``````````````````````````````````
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
death and stuff."
Mariah Carey
````````````
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life,"
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
`````````````````````````````````````````````````
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other partof my body,"
--Winston Bennett,
University of Kentucky basketball forward .
`````````````````````````````````````````````
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
`````````````````````````````
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through
our papers. We are the president."
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
subpoenaed documents.
````````````````````````````````````````````````````
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.
````````````````````````````
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
``````````````````````````````````
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's
the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that
may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, Vice President
```````````````````
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
--Dan Quayle
``````````
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much
clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca
```````````
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A
genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
````````````````````````````````````````````
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of people."
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
`````````````````````````````````
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President
``````````````````
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come
from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
````````````````
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective
March 1992 because we received notice that
you passed away. May God bless you. You may
reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
````````````````````````````````````````````
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their
heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when
they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
Friday, June 26, 2009
#9
A man going to a bar to meet his friend, while he was going in he noticed two women looking at him and one said "Nine."
He walked over to his buddy and said "One of those ladies over there rated me nine out of ten?"
His buddy replied "I'm sorry to let you down but when I came in they were speaking German."
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