YAHOO FOR THE INDIAN

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes, the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final yahoo and rode off.

"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant.

"Nothing. I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."

"Lady, the attendant said, Indians ride bareback."

IT Helpdesk

customer care officer: I need a product identification no: right now and may I help u in finding it out?
Cust: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?!"

The Crabs

A male crab met a female crab and asked her to marry him. She noticed that he 

walked straight instead of sideways. Wow! she thought. This crab is really 

special. I can't let him get away. So they married immediately.
The next day she was dismayed to notice her husband walking sideways like all 

the other crabs. "What's happened?" she sobbed. "You used to walk straight before we 

married." "Oh, darling," he said, "I can't drink that much every day."

Gallant Cat

Two men go to visit their friend. When he opens the door, a cat hurtles out and rushes into the cellar like a bullet. Then to the garage. Then to the attic. Then behind the dumpsters. Then up on the roof… The friends stare all that, totally amazed.
“It’s because I had my tomcat castrated, today,” the host sadly explains.
“So what?”
“Now he runs around – cancelling dates…!”

A Business Plan

An old lady walks along a street, carrying a big bag in one hand, and a small bag in another hand. In every step she makes, a 5-dollar bill falls down from the bigger bag. A policeman approaches:
“There’s money dropping out from your bag, madam.”
“Thank you, son,” says the old woman, “I’ll just go back and pick it up.”
“Well, but where is the money from?” investigates the officer. “I mean, you didn’t steal it or anything?”
“Oh, you know, son, I live right next to the football stadium. And when some fella comes to pee in the bushes by my door, I will already be there, waiting with a sharp knife and yell: “What do you think, defiling my garden like that, you son of a bitch! Give me 5 dollars or I’ll cut it off!”
“What a brilliant way to do business…” the policeman muses. “By the way – what’s in the smaller bag?”
“Well son, not everybody is willing to pay…”

All About Marriage

Fact or fiction (you make the call):

1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

2. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin… they can’t face each other, but, they still stay together.

3. Married life is very frustrating.

.In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
.In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
.In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen..

4. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

5. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

6. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something she says. After marriage, he will fall asleep before she finish.

7. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

8. They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, that is LOVE. After marriage, that is SELF DEFENSE.

9. A wife becomes a “SEX OBJECT” when every time the husband asks for sex she objects!

10. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

11. There are two four-letter words that are offensive to men in marriage : “don’t” and “stop”, unless, they are used together (“don’t stop”).

12. Marriage is an institution where the man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her Master’s Degree.

13. In marriage, a man can have words with his wife, but, a woman can have paragraphs with her husband.

14. Marriage is love. Love is blind.

Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

15. There are 3 stages of SEX in a married life:
Tri-weekly, try weekly and try weakly.

16. LOVE is a long sweet dream; MARRIAGE is the alarm clock.

17. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.

But, when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

18. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence … a LIFE SENTENCE.