Naked Fireman

hmmmm its not what u think huh..

Hilarious Signage

Sex Education

A elderly, single, third grade teacher was informed she would have to teach sex education.
She was quite upset and refused the assignment. She didn't think she would actually be able to talk about the subject. Eventually, she changed her mind as the alternative was to be fired.
On the first day of school she drew a woman's body on the blackboard, pointed to the chest and asked the class " Does anyone know what this is called?"
Jane, who was sitting in the first row, raised her hand and answered "It's called a 'breast' and my mommy has two of them!"
"Very good," said the teacher. Then she drew a male body on the board, pointed to the groin, and asked " Does anyone know what this is called?"
This time Billy raised his hand. "I know what it is! It's called a 'penis' and my daddy has two of them."
"That's the right name," said the teacher, but I don't think your daddy has two of them."
"Yes he does!" said Billy. "He has a little one that he uses to pee, and big one he brushes mommy's teeth with !"

Bean Soup

When a waitress brought the customer the soup du jour, he was a bit dismayed.

 "Good heavens," he said. "What's this?"
"It's bean soup," she replied.
"I don't care what it's been," he sputtered. "What is it now?"

The Vasectomy

The husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive.

A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Scouser said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.'

Trust me, it will do the job', said the doctor.  So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: '1, 2, 3, 4, 5,' at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could
continue counting on his other hand.

DAMNED OLD AGE

A couple in their nineties are BOTH having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically in good condition for their age, but if they are having trouble remembering they might want to start writing things down to help them.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Where are you going?" his wife asks.

"To the kitchen" he replies.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks, recalling the doctor's suggestion.

"No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it."

He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down. Just don't start with that! Leave me alone!! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles on into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "Where's my toast?"