Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Wake him up

A husband and wife are in church. The preacher notices that the husband has fallen asleep and says to the wife, “Wake your husband up!” The wife answers, “You're the one who made him fall asleep, you wake him up!”

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

The last man

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This went on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."

Thursday, February 5, 2015

The bachelor and the cow

Out in the country there lived a farmer whose daughter was the most beautiful woman in the county. When she was of marrying age the farmer rounded up the three most eligible bachelors in the county. "You three are my finalists,” he declared. "The first one who can pass my gauntlet I will give my daughter's hand in marriage. Now, the gauntlet consists of four tests. You must run through my field and then swim across the lake and then you must jump over the barbed wire fence. There you will meet the final test which will remain a secret until that time" the three men began the gauntlet. 
The first ran through the field but could not swim across the lake. The second ran the field and swam the lake but could not clear the fence. The third man ran the field, swam the lake and cleared the fence. "I am ready for your secret test,” declared the third man. "Alright" said the farmer. " The final test is you must have sex with my cow" the man was disgusted at first but then he thought, "it's only once and no one will know. Then I will have his beautiful daughter" the man then had sex with the cow. Afterward the farmer was not entirely convinced. " Have sex with my cow three more times and I will know your love for my daughter is sincere" said the farmer. At first the man was indignant but then thought of how beautiful the farmer's daughter was and how much he yearned to marry her. Eventually he gave in and had sex with the cow three more times. The farmer was overcome with joy. "You have proven yourself worthy,” exclaimed the farmer. "You have my blessing to marry my daughter." "Forget your daughter" the man responded, "how much you want for your cow?"