Post Office

A guy goes to the Post Office to interview for a job.
The interviewer asks him, “Are you a veteran?”
The guy says, “Why yes, in fact, I served two tours in Vietnam.”
“Good,” says the interviewer, “That counts in your favor. Do you have any service-related disabilities?”
The guy says, “In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle, an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled, it doesn’t affect my ability to work, though.”
“Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10, and we’ll get you started.”
The guy says, “If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?”
“Well, here at the post office, we don’t do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. Don’t need you here for that!”

Construction Site Murder

A workman was killed at a construction site. The police began questioning a number of the other workers. Based on past brushes with the law, many of these workers were considered prime suspects. They were a motley crew:

The electrician was suspected of wiretapping once but was never charged.

The carpenter thought he was a stud. He tried to frame another man one time.

The glazier went to great panes to conceal his past. He still claims that he didn't do anything; that he was framed.

The painter had a brush with the law several years ago.

The heating, ventilation and air conditioning contractor was known to pack heat. He was arrested once but duct the charges.

The mason was suspect because he gets stoned regularly.

The cabinet maker is an accomplished counter fitter. The autopsy led the police to arrest the carpenter, who subsequently confessed. The evidence against him was irrefutable, because it was found that the workman, when he died, was hammered.