In Malaysia

N A T I O N A L ……

NATIONAL RICE COOKER
National Rice Cooker
99% of Malaysian households use a National Rice Cooker, the
other 1% don't eat rice.

NATIONAL DOG NAME
Lucky or Poppy.
Every self respecting mongrel in Malaysia who has an owner will
invariably be named Poppy or Lucky.

NATIONAL BREAKFAST (ON THE WAY TO WORK)
Nasi Lemak.
Who cooks and eats nasi lemak at home for breakfast anyway?

NATIONAL BREAKFAST (AT HOME)
Maggi Mee
Also the national lunch and dinner if you're a out of town
student, bachelor, neglected husband, lazy fella, etc.

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR HAIR LOSS
Maggi Mee.

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE
Traffic Jam

NATIONAL FRUIT FOR INDUCING MENSTRUATION
Pineapple

NATIONAL APHRODISIAC DRINK
Stout
Many swear by it. But after a few pints they start swearing at
everything.

NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (MEN)
Food Poisoning

NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (WOMEN)
Menstrual Pain

NATIONAL CURE FOR HEADACHES
Panadol
The "cure all" for Malaysians. If it fails we have another secret
weapon; Tiger Balm.

NATIONAL CURE FOR DIZZINESS
Minyak Angin Cap Kapak
NATIONAL CAUSE OF DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES)
Happy Hours

NATIONAL INSTANT CURE FOR DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES)
The sight of a police road block.

NATIONAL CURE FOR DIARRHEA
Pil 'Chi-Kit' Teck Aun
The miracle cure! It works. Ten minutes and you're "dried" up.
Always pack some of this stuff when you're travelling.

NATIONAL CAUSE OF CONSTIPATION
Pil 'Chi-Kit' Teck Aun
The pills are so tiny it's easy to swallow an extra mouthful and
overdose on it. No one can help you here.

NATIONAL CURE FOR "HEATINESS"
Eno, Leng Chee Kang, Chinese Herbal Tea, Tonic Water, Barley
Drink, Chin Chau.

NATIONAL WATCH FOR TYCOONS
Rolex. Usually the model with the gold bracelet and diamond
studded bezel.

NATIONAL WATCH FOR YUPPIES
Tag Hauer
Every yuppie's must-have "show off" accessory. Usually further
down the wrist, in the palm is a tiny Motorola StarTac cellular
phone. The irony is that Motorola spent much time and effort
creating a phone that fits comfortably inside the shirt pocket.

NATIONAL WATCH FOR THE REST OF US
Rolex, Tag Hauer, Raymond Weil or Patek Philippe from Petaling
Street.

NATIONAL PAJAMAS
The Sarong (and the Pagoda T-shirt)

NATIONAL FORMULA ONE DRIVERS
Mini Bus Drivers

NATIONAL RUBBISH DUMP
Anywhere As long as it is not your house

NATIONAL FINANCE COMPANY
Kedai Pajak Gadai (Pawn Shop)

NATIONAL SNACK WHEN WATCHING A MOVIE
Smelly cuttlefish (during the trailers), Kua chee (during the
movie)

NATIONAL PLACES FOR SMOOCHING
Lake Gardens, cinemas and reservoirs

NATIONAL PLACES FOR PEEPING TOMS
Lake Gardens, cinemas and reservoirs

NATIONAL JAGA KERETA
Wilson

NATIONAL MOST MIS-PRONOUNCED NAME
Carrefour, Sometimes even pronounced as Carry 4!! On second
thoughts, why bother pronouncing Peugeot, Renault or Citroen
correctly. I think it sounds better, when the local mechanics
say "Pew Jeot". When I was in school, Milo was always Mee Lo,
now that I'm sophisticated, I say "My Lo". So don't be embarassed
saying "Carry 4" when the Mat Sallehs shamelessly pronounce orang
utan as "rangutan"

NATIONAL ANTHEM OF PETALING STREET
"Lemon Tree"
"Natural successor: "Barbie Girl".

NATIONAL ROAD
Jalan Tun Razak, Kuala Lumpur
On a short stretch there's the National Theatre, National Heart
Institute and the National Library.

NATIONAL BEHAVIOUR AT ANNUAL DINNERS
Attacking the Balloons This one I can never figure out.
When the balloons are released from the ballroom's ceiling,
grown men in suits, women, children, even the waiters will attack
the balloons like savages. They squashed and stomped on the
balloons so ferociously until not one single inflated balloon is
left. They take no prisoners.
They then quietly march out of the ballroom like victorious
soldiers leaving behind a trail of death and destruction.
Animals!

NATIONAL POSE
Whenever you're having your picture taken, the friend behind
you will always place two "horns" on your head.