Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I Love Her, But...

A collection of men's thoughts on their women.

..... She has an uncanny way of standing between me and the television screen. Bases loaded, two strikes, three balls. The crowd goes wild, the pitch flies...!!!! And all I can see is her butt.
Howard, Dodge City, Kan.

.....
what's mine is hers. I buy her negligees; she sleeps in my T-shirts.
When she's cold she wears my wool socks to bed, never her own. She
steals my half-used razors; new ones are too sharp. She even wears my
boxers. I'm tempted to switch to briefs just to see what she'd do.
Dave, Martha's Vineyard, Mass.

..... She makes lists.
Things to buy. Things to do. People to call. If it's not on the list,
it doesn't get done. Once, to be funny, I put "sex" on the list.
Mistake. Now it has to be on the list, or it doesn't get done.
Nick, Wheeling, W.Va.

.....
When she gets an idea in her head, there's no stopping her. And no rest
for anyone until it's done. It's not so bad when the idea is to bake
cookies, or even to go on vacation. But when it's to build a new house,
or to get pregnant, things get pretty intense.
Jim, Minneapolis

.....
She'll brush her teeth but she won't go to the dentist. She says she's
not afraid of the pain, she just doesn't want to put herself in the
hands of any fellow who'd choose to be a dentist.
Terence, Gary, Ind.

..... she's stopped shaving her legs. She says that now people will know she's a natural blonde.
Ned, Tucson, Ariz.

..... She takes her half of the bed out of the middle.
Robin, Gladwyne, Pa.

.....
After sex, I mean the second after, she continues where she left off.
Her eyes open and before you can breathe, you hear, " ... And, oh,
yeah, I have to defrost the chicken, and your mother wants you to pick
up her dry cleaning ..."
Jimmy, Fort Lauderdale, Fla.

.....
In bed I'm her high school teacher, captain of the football team, her
boss, the bad boy, a waiter, a lifeguard, a telephone repairman, a cop.
Once in a while I'd like to be me.
Neil, Orlando, Fla.

..... She wears these false eyelashes. She left 'em lying around and I slammed 'em with my newspaper, tried to kill the damn things. Scared me half to death.
Gordon, Oklahoma City, Okla.

..... Counting my wife and our teenage girls, that's four women. Somebody's always got PMS.
Everett, Little Rock, Ark.